I think I'm going to start a new service that will call people and check and see if they are still alive. I just saw this story on CNN.com:

A man who apparently was pinned by a van he was working on lay dead in his driveway for up to four days before a neighbor noticed him, police said.

Four days in his driveway and no one noticed? That's just sad. This is just the tip of the iceberg. There are tons and tons of stories out there where people have died and it has taken weeks, month and even years for people to discover that they are dead. That's pretty shitty. Everyone should have some sort of support system that will notice if they died. People should be discovered in two days max.

If you don't have anyone who cares, my new service would totally help! I'll call every two days and just check and see if you are alive. Subscribing is easy: give me a few different ways to get a hold of you and who i should notify if you die. When I call, don't expect to have much a conversation with me tho. It will be just a quick: “you still breathing, you lonely pathetic fool?” (note, actual insulting query will vary)

You can sign up using the contact form on the blog. You must buy service in six months increments. I'm offering the service at a special rate: $150/month. Act now to take advantage of this limited time special introductory rate!